Woof of Truth

Editor's note: Due to Talley's bad behavior (including sneaking out without permission and forgery of government documents (see previous posts)), her internet privileges have been revoked temporarily. In her absence, The Dogs will be filling in as guest contributors to her blog.


There's been a lot of talk these days about how cute, stylish, and appealing Cats are.

This is WRONG! Dogs rule, and cats drool (figuratively).

Dogs have waggily tails and soft, expressive eyes. Cats have lashy tails and harsh, mean eyes. Dogs say "I'm glad to see you!" while cats say, "My eating occurs WHEN?" Cats demand, while dogs ask nicely. Dogs guard your house from robbers, while cats tell the robbers "Go ahead and take that stuff - I never liked it anyways."

When you have guests over, your dogs will kindly greet them with polite sniffs and wags of the tail. Cats, on the other hand, will run away and hide from the guests if the guests like cats, and climb all over them shedding fur, if they do not.

Also, dogs are hygienic, and cats are disgusting in their sanitary habits. Dogs, for example, take baths with WATER when they get dirty. Cats, on the other hand, lick the dirt off WITH THEIR TONGUES! Even - shocking as it is - after going to the LITTER BOX. They use their tongues for toilet paper! And they consider themselves clean when they are covered in cat spit.

Have you ever tried to take a cat for a car ride? Rather than looking out the window and enjoying the wind in her face, the cat will hide in a corner and scream obscenities until you take her home. She will then hide under the bed and continue to yell obscenities at you until dinner. Dogs never use obscenities - we don't know any. Dogs always appreciate what is done for them. Cats never do.

If you throw a ball, or a frisbee, or a stick, a dog will run and fetch it for you. A cat will say, "get it yourself." A cat cannot be bothered to do anything for anyone, while a dog is always eager to please. A dog will eat anything you feed it, but a cat will turn her nose up at all but the most expensive cat food.

For a dog, the greatest treasure in life is a kind word from his master. A cat, however, thinks the master is lucky if she doesn't leave the room when he walks in. A dog will gratefully lick the hand that feeds it; a cat will scratch and bite it.

In short, Cats have no shame and no appreciation. Why people seem to like them as much as they do is beyond the understanding of Dogs. Cats don't like anybody, but Dogs are - and always will be - Man's Best Friend.




Woof!